Writing as Therapy

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Probably from time immemorial writers have found that writing, creative writing in particular, is healing to the soul. When I express in words something that has been vague and unnamed within me, an experience I remember, or something I make up (and fiction is always something within me, something that comes from my imagination, my mind, my body,) then I am feeling more alive. Life is changing and growing within me in that act of creation. Creative writing, or any creative art, is a way of participating in creation itself. So creative expression is a way of being more alive and thus healing to the sick parts of our lives.

As I was writing my first novel, Sea Level, I began to feel elated. Wow, I thought, I can make a story, I can create a scene, I can say something that has never been said before. But suddenly I came to a point in the story where I felt blocked. My main character, Brigid, had come to a crisis in her life, and I couldn’t think how to write her through it. Brigid was the first woman minister in an isolated small town in 1980. Her latent feminism had emerged, people were furious, and now she had to face a meeting of her whole congregation who would vote on whether to fire her.

When I got to this scene, I sat down at my desk to write and nothing came. I let it go for weeks, months, then came back to it. Still nothing. Finally I recognized that I was anxious. And that the anxiety was not only about how to get Brigid through this crucial scene, but it was about me. Brigid’s story was set in an earlier time, she had a very different history and character than I, and I had never faced this situation. But I had been, as she was, the first woman minister in several small churches at a time when there was widespread discrimination and disapprobation of women clergy.

What would it be like, I thought, to face this kind of public disapproval and shaming? It wasn’t so unusual for a woman minister in 1980. Public figures, whether ministers, politicians, or celebrities, are easy targets, and in that era and even now, clergy often have to walk a fine line between maintaining their own integrity and not offending their congregation. I recognized that the fear, the feeling of being vulnerable as a public figure, had been an underlying anxiety in my own time as a parish pastor.

Finally, I sat down determined to plow through this scene. I imagined Brigid’s feelings, the other people, the church, the different speakers, a new crisis that emerged, and finished the scene with a great sigh of relief. Brigid was okay. And I felt better.

In psychology James Pennebaker was the first to study the healing effects of writing. In the 1980s he had students and other groups write personal stories about traumas or the difficult times in their lives. He developed a method where each person would write for twenty minutes, and only twenty minutes, a day, describing some crisis in their life. He discovered that not only did they feel better afterward, but there were positive changes in heart rate, blood pressure and the immune system. His premise was that it is the inhibited, avoided parts of ourselves that bock our life energy, and when we allow what has been suppressed or inhibited to come out, put it in words, we begin to see an order in our lives, a meaning, and thus find a new perspective.

As Pennybaker discovered, too, the kind of writing makes a difference. I have a friend who wrote journals where he listed all the things he was angry about and all the criticisms his wife had aimed at him. Needless to say, that made him feel worse.

But both Pennybaker and creative writers throughout history have known that the most life-giving writing, even journal writing, is what one of my first writing teachers called “rendering.” When you render a scene, you remember or imagine not only what you feel, but what you (or your character) see, hear, smell. The anger, the fear, can be a part of it, but in the process of rendering it becomes transformed.

I love what Alice Walker said about the creative process: “In Native American cultures, when you feel sick at heart, sick in your soul, you do sand paintings. Or you make a basket. The thing is that you are focused on creating something. And while you’re doing that, there’s a kind of spiritual alchemy that happens, and you turn that bad feeling into something that becomes a golden light. It’s all because you are intensely creating something that is beautiful. And…by the time you’ve finished the sand painting, you’re well. The point is to heal yourself.”

 

 

O, Christmas Tree

This year I was not looking forward to the Christmas tree. An old friend had just died, my brother died last Christmas, and I’m getting to the age where my generation is slowly expiring. Well, that’s a depressing thought, but, according to one study, people with depression see the world more realistically. Yes, life ends, that’s reality.

So my husband and my granddaughter decorated the tree. The tree stands in front of my comfy chair, the one I sit in to read and/or write. I couldn’t help but see the tree. And the other day, just as I sat gazing at the tree in my usual habit of being lost in thoughts, I began to actually see the tree. It was beautiful. I saw the tiny lights, the glass balls, the chains of antique glass beads from my husband’s family, the ornaments with all their memories: of my mother, who loved the crocheted snowflakes, my first mother-in-law, who made so many of them, of my daughter’s childhood when we picked them out together, the grandchildren, my old friend who made the quirkiest ornaments.

I saw the sparkle, the magic, like a summer night filled with fireflies. Light in the darkness, love in the midst of sadness, life in the midst of death. So this December I wish you light: Christmas tree lights, Hanukkah candles, a bonfire for Solstice. The lights of hope.

Sustainability and Feminist Spirituality

Sustainability is about honoring our basic interdependence with the natural world, remembering to be present and grounded in our bodies and the earth beneath our feet. Feminist theology and/or feminist spirituality begins with our bodies, birthing and touching and breathing, being with each other. Being in community. I am happy to be a part of the Green Writers Press community and share this sensibility with Dede and all of you who speak out for the integrity of life on earth.

This was my response to Dede Cummings, my publisher at Green Writers Press, who is at the Women’s Convention in Detroit and asked for comments from her women authors. Green Writers Press’s mission is to “help foster a sustainable environment” and “to spread a message of hope and renewal through the words and images we publish.”

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At The Vermont Bookshop in Middlebury last night for a reading from Wild Mountain with old college pals Nancy Means Wright and Ann Young

 

October in Vermont, and my garden is pulsing with life. The bees and butterflies come to this aster in the sunny afternoon, and I stand and watch and feel the energy of flowers, insects, sunshine, all moving together in a vibrant symphony.

 

Buying Books

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Books I’ve bought recently. The top ones written by my writer friends! 

I’ve been buying more books lately. I love to read a real book so much more than an electronic version, although I have a library of e-books on my computer as well. I read them when it’s too late to go to the library or I don’t want to wait the two days until my order comes. Reading a book before bed is the most entrenched ritual of my day. But for me, nothing can substitute for holding a physical book in my hand, turning the pages, and placing my bookmark in it when I’m ready for bed.

The other reason I’m buying more books is that, since I became a published author myself, I’ve realized that book sales is the only way an author gets paid for her work.  Like music and visual art, books are produced by people who spend months and years working on and perfecting them. So if you feel hesitant about spending money on a book, think of it this way: you are supporting the arts. With each book you buy, you are an arts patron.

Emerging from the chrysalis

We were privileged to be present for the monarch butterflies’ entry into the wider world! Our friend Alec nurtured them through the process of spinning their chrysalises, and yesterday they emerged. It took a couple of hours after this video, but then they opened their wings and flew away. Off to Mexico!